Friday, September 26, 2008

The Anxiety Update

It has been well over a week or so since I have had an "episode." Praise the Lord! Now, if you read my previous two posts, you might have an idea about the process I have been through. Since I posted about my sickness, I have ran through a gammot of emotions. Initially, I was going full force to try and diagnose myself. I prayed a lot! But, most of my praying and work was about me finding out what was causing the pain and then doing the work to fix it. My ultimate goal was to feel better. So, I can tell you that, even though I felt my relationship with the Lord was growing stronger each day, changes in my thought patterns were happening, but, my symptoms of pain also grew stronger and stronger. I didn't quite get it! I fell apart one night and wanted to know WHY I was having to go through such pain. I had worked so hard! Well, the Lord answered me. He said, I have chosen to have you go through this for now. I'm not taking it away at this time. I want you to praise me anyway. Stay close. Trust me. So, that is where I am right now...trusting and praising. Since I have made that choice, the Lord has actually given me several days with no major physical pain. But I will stay humble and willing to let the Lord take me to pain again if it is for His glory. I know that things can change any moment and the pain can come back. I pray that I will remain in Him no matter the cost.




Jackie Sue said...

I have wondered how your counseling was mentioned it one time in Friday group...thanks for being so vunerable here...not easy. I will ask Jesus to hold you tightly to Him as you seek to follow Him with your whole heart.